What You Speak Over Them, They Become
Hi Sweet Friend,
If you’re a parent, there is NO DOUBT you’ve heard something like this before — whether from a neuroscience article, a Bible verse, or just wisdom passed from one mama to another:
Your words hold power.
What you speak over your children, they become.
Their inner voice is built from your voice first.
Your words become their identity.
Every time I’m reminded of this, it hits me like a punch to the gut. My stomach drops and I get this oh-my-gosh-what-an-absolute-burden-to-bear, I-don’t-want-to-mess-this-up kind of feeling.
It is a startling, sobering realization that if we aren’t careful, our words can do real harm to these precious little people we love most.
But then — flip the coin.
What an absolute HONOR.
We get to be the ones who shape their minds in those early years. We do.
And if we have the power to do harm, we also have the power to do so, so much good.
What a blessing that is.
I remember the first time this really landed for me. My oldest was a tiny infant. I remember looking down into her little face — she couldn’t even talk yet — and feeling the full weight of my influence over her; the responsibility of it. It scared me, and it changed me.
If you’re like me and have little ones, you’re probably around my age (a millennial or maybe you’re younger and Gen Z), and you might be doing something your parents never did: looking at your own upbringing and asking hard questions. Examining generational patterns. Trying to heal things that were never healed, so you don’t pass them on.
We are, in many ways, the first generation to confront unresolved childhood trauma head-on — to practice emotional regulation, to parent with empathy and intention, and to respond consciously instead of just reacting.
It is a heavy burden to carry.
But I think I can safely assume that YOU would much rather do this hard work now than hand it to your children to do when they’re your age.
I love my parents. But I’ll be honest with you, my relationship with them has been complicated. I’ve had limited contact with my mom for over two years now. I’ve been hesitant to share that publicly because I believe in honoring your parents, and talking about it has always felt like I’d be airing dirty laundry (which isn’t what I want to do). I don’t ever want it to look like I’m bashing her.
But I share it now because part of my own healing has been processing resentment. Resentment that this work wasn’t done for me, so that I’m not left carrying it at this stage of my life.
When I was a child, I was often labeled reactive. Angry. Intense. Too much. Too loud.
Looking back now, I see it differently. I realize that I felt things deeply. I was fiercely loyal. I cared about truth and fairness, and I got loud when I felt like something wasn’t right. I realize now that there was nothing wrong with me — I just needed better tools, and I needed someone to foster that fire instead of trying to put it out.
I genuinely believe that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had at the time. However, it doesn’t make the work any easier. And it doesn’t change my determination to do it differently.
The crazy part is that I now have a daughter who is exactly like me.
Which means I get to do for her what wasn’t done for me.
Or at least try my very best to.
So that’s what this is about.
I’m not perfect, and I definitely don’t have it all figured out. But one thing I have been doing is choosing to speak life over my girls. Being careful with my words. Because what we call them, what we label them, they will become.
And I want them to be able to become every good thing.
I want them to have a childhood they don’t have to heal from.
So, let me show you what that looks like for us.
The Bible knew it long before science caught up.
Words are not just sounds. They are not just nice things to say. According to Scripture, your tongue holds the literal power of life and death — and nowhere is that more real than in the words you speak over your children.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."
Proverbs 18:21
This isn’t poetic exaggeration. It’s a warning and a promise wrapped in one verse. What comes out of your mouth carries weight — especially in the ears of a child who trusts you completely.
More from Scripture:
"Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him." Mark 11:23
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24
"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18
"For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:37
The Neuroscience Part:
Their brains are wide open. What are you pouring in?
In the early years — from birth to around age seven — children’s brains are in a deeply absorptive state. They don’t yet have the critical thinking to filter what they hear. They receive your words as fact, as truth, and as identity.
If you tell a child they are bad, they will believe it. They will act from that belief, and they will most likely carry it into adulthood.
If you tell a child they are kind, brave, loved, and chosen, you will most likely see them grow into exactly that.
Because what you call them, they will become. Their inner voice is built from your voice first.
This is neuroscience meeting Scripture. God designed their minds to receive. He also gave you the authority to shape what they receive. That is not a small thing; that is EVERYTHING.
Words to speak over your children — starting tonight.
These are the affirmations I speak over my girls. Every night before sleep, every nap, randomly in the car, and at the table. Some nights I say a whole bunch. Some nights I just say a few. The point is not perfection, the point is intention, and speaking from your heart.
Identity & Character
- You are smart.
- You are special.
- You are kind.
- You are thoughtful.
- You are loyal.
- You are courageous.
- You are brave.
- You are clever.
- You are curious.
- You are creative.
- You are silly and fun.
- You are sweet.
- You are patient.
- You are gentle.
- You are strong.
- You are confident.
- You are honest.
- You are trustworthy.
- You are enough, exactly as you are.
- You are a hard worker.
- You are a good listener.
- You are a good friend.
- You make people feel good just by being around them.
Love & Belonging
- You are loved more than you will ever know.
- Mommy loves you. Daddy loves you.
- Sissy loves you. Jesus loves you.
- God loves you.
- You are wanted.
- You belong in this family.
- You make this family better.
- Nothing you do could ever make me love you less.
- You are my greatest joy.
- I am so proud to be your mama.
- You were prayed for.
- You were chosen.
Purpose & Faith
- You are perfect exactly the way you are.
- You were made on purpose, for a purpose.
- God has big plans for your life.
- You were created with intention.
- There is nobody else like you in the entire world.
- Your life has meaning.
- You are protected and safe.
- God goes before you wherever you go.
- You have everything inside you that you need.
- The world needs exactly what you have to offer.
- Your story matters.
- You are a light in this world.
Encouragement & Resilience
- You can do hard things.
- When you fall, you get back up — that’s who you are.
- Mistakes don’t define you, they grow you.
- You are braver than you feel.
- You are stronger than you think.
- It’s okay to be a work in progress.
- You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
- You are not behind, you are right on time.
- I believe in you, even on the days you don’t.
Bedtime & Blessing
- Sleep well, sweet one.
- Tomorrow is a new day full of good things.
- I’ll be here when you wake up.
- You are safe, you are loved, you are home.
- Sweet dreams, baby girl.
Where to Begin:
You don’t have to have it memorized. You just have to start.
This doesn’t require a perfect routine or a special moment. It just requires your voice and your intention. Here’s how to make it part of your everyday:
1. At bedtime or naptime
This is when their minds are most open. Sit with them, put your hand on them, and speak quietly. Even if they seem asleep — especially if they seem asleep.
2. Randomly throughout the day
In the car. While doing their hair. While making lunch. Just say it. “Hey, did you know you are so kind?” Watch their whole face change.
3. When they mess up
This is the most important one. Correct the behavior, never the person. “That choice wasn’t kind — but you are a kind person, and I know you can do better.”
4. Print the list and keep it close
You don’t have to remember them all. Print the list below and keep it on your nightstand. Let it be your guide until their words become your instinct.
Print it. Keep it. Use it tonight.
Download the free printable list of affirmations — organized by category and designed to sit on your nightstand. Because what you call them, they will become.
What’s one thing you wish had been spoken over YOU as a child? Share it below — because maybe someone needs to read it today.
